Youth Blog

Being a queer youth in foster care, I never felt like I got the support I needed. 

I didn’t know that barrier protection for oral sex was a thing until I was 18, almost 19, and saw an ad for it on social media. From there, I got very lucky to have the opportunity to be a part of a healthy relationships class outside of school that taught me more about several different types of protections, and the importance of protection during oral sex.

Before choosing to take an optional class on healthy relationships, I experienced my own scares with STIs due to my lack of knowledge. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, I can help other young people, especially those in the foster system, better understand and advocate for their health.

My first STI scare was when I was 17. I had sex with a new partner for the first time and woke up with irritation, swelling, and itchiness. I had only had oral sex, so I was unsure how I could contract an STI, but I was also terrified of the possibility of it. Not knowing what to do and too afraid to tell anyone, I searched up the symptoms online and deep dove the web, researching what STIs can affect, how long they last, and how to cure them.

Luckily, my experience was a false alarm, but I am sure many other youth out there have experienced that feeling of being trapped, not knowing who to tell or what to do, especially if they didn’t have the support of someone they could trust. 

There’s a deep history of that feeling, particularly within the queer community. On June 5, 1981, the first report of a disease that would later become known as HIV/AIDS was released. This was the beginning of an epidemic that would forever change the way the world saw queer people and the importance of sexual health. In addition, STIs were in the public spotlight more than ever before.

The AIDS epidemic changed the world of STI prevention dramatically. So much advocacy has been done to destigmatize STIs and create more options to protect against them. Still, despite this, millions of Americans are diagnosed with STIs every year, and young people ages 15–24 are disproportionately impacted. A big reason for this is lack of access to sexual health education, information, and care.

Youth in foster care have even less of an opportunity to learn valuable information about sexual health. Many of these youth end up making bad decisions due to the systems around them failing to equip them with the knowledge and tools to make the right ones. I know this because I was one of these youth.

My experience really opened my eyes to how important it is for me to have a community and safe space to talk about my sexual health, and how easy it is to overlook the importance of protection for STIs. In that moment, I wished that I had known more information about the diverse ways that STIs can be transmitted, and I also wish that barrier protection for oral sex was more easily accessible for me. I was always aware that if I needed condoms, there were places that could provide me with them, but the same wasn’t true for dental dams, tongue condoms, or laurels.

If you’re a young person in school and feeling unsupported in these areas, reach out to a counselor or another trusted adult who can help connect you with the resources you need. If you’re an adult or someone who knows a youth that needs support, being an advocate can change the course of someone’s life forever. One person is all it takes.