Youth Blog

[Editor’s Note: May is recognized annually throughout the U.S. as National Foster Care Month and Women’s Health Month. Wednesday Pope is a former foster youth and current youth advocate, peer educator, and Youth Advisory Board Member of the Reproductive Health Equity Project for Foster Youth (RHEP). In the following piece, Wednesday writes about her multiple experiences with abortion care in an effort to help other young people and their supporters navigate this vital area of women’s health care.]

I’ve had four abortions. I’m not ashamed to talk about them. 

I, like many people, went through complicated feelings before, during, and after experiencing abortion care. While all of our experiences are different, it’s important to remember that all the feelings you may have are normal, and if you ever feel overwhelmed, you should seek counseling with a licensed therapist or schedule an appointment with your OBGYN to get support and get connected to resources.

I’ve often found that one of the most encouraging forms of support is to connect with others who’ve shared similar experiences. In that vein, to hopefully help others navigate this complex and often emotionally draining type of care, here are some of my experiences and what I’ve learned along the way.

I was very infertile during my first few years of being sexually active due to endometriosis. I, unfortunately, didn’t know this until I underwent my first endometriosis surgery, after which I suddenly was able to get pregnant. Prior to the surgery, I was taking birth control, but had gotten in the bad habit of missing pills, forgetting to use a backup birth control method, forgetting to apply a new birth control patch or ring, etc. Other longer-term options, such as the implant, shot, IUD, etc., didn’t work for me. I had been missing pills or not using any birth control, and I never got pregnant, so I just assumed I was lucky. No one told me I would become more fertile after endometriosis surgery.

About a year after my endometriosis surgery, I switched from the vaginal ring to the pill. I have always been bad at remembering to take pills. I also struggle with IBS, and if you have runny stools or vomiting, you need to follow the directions on that super long and large medication information book that comes with the birth control that no one really reads (but that we all definitely should). It will say something to the effect of “use a backup birth control method for 7 days after the vomiting/runny stools stop” or similar instructions. 

I wasn’t well-educated by providers, and, as a foster youth, I didn’t have any trusted adults in my life to inform me or guide me through sexual and reproductive healthcare. Pregnancy soon followed.

Early pregnancy sucked for me, both emotionally and physically. Socially, it was traumatic in a different, but arguably more damaging, way. Morning sickness, that severe nausea during pregnancy, hit at all hours of the day and night. I got huge, painful cysts on my face, body, and even in my armpits. My breasts got very swollen and painful, and even hugging people became unbearable. I became depressed and agitated, and had severe fatigue from the hormone shifts and malnourishment from the nausea. 

I understand that this is all natural and is often temporary, with symptoms reducing after the first trimester, but from my understanding, throughout pregnancy, you’re susceptible to much worse medical risks and pain, such as gestational diabetes, blood clots, and the risks of injury or death during childbirth. 

No one is obligated to justify their abortion. Any reason you have is a good reason. For me, the medical risks of pregnancy and childbirth were too overwhelming.

My mental health was in shambles. As a transition-age youth in extended foster care, I didn’t feel ready for kids. I didn’t have financial or housing stability, and I hadn’t worked through my generational trauma from abuse in my childhood. 

I had two different partners who became angry and abusive toward me after finding out about the pregnancies, and they refused to help me access abortion care. Many friends left my life after finding out about my abortions. I learned the hard way that, with such a controversial topic, there are risks to being open and transparent with people who may not be compassionate or accepting of abortion. Identifying safe people in your life is very important. 

I now have trusted people who I know are respectful of my choices and reproductive health needs. I can count on them to be there to drive me home from the clinic (many abortion clinics require you to have a ride for a surgical abortion), or be there with me during my medical (medication) abortion at home, in case of complications. Abortions are much safer than pregnancy, but with any medical procedure, there are risks that your doctor will explain during the process.

I, unfortunately, had bad experiences during my abortions due to having endometriosis and pelvic inflammatory disorder. If you struggle with these or other conditions, it’s possible you’re more likely to have complications, but they are absolutely manageable, and your doctor can educate you on signs of complications and talk through any concerns you might have. 

Today, I credit my decisions to prioritize my health and future, including my decisions to have abortions, as critical in helping me earn several college degrees and establish a flourishing and fulfilling career. Abortion is scary, but pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting were much scarier to me. Even with complications, my abortions were still safer and more comfortable than pregnancy. If or when I do decide to have kids, I’ll be much more prepared for parenthood, having chosen to wait. 

Remember, everyone is different. There’s no shame in doing what’s right for you.